Future Latina

I love being in an interracial and intercultural relationship.  I love it!  I am from north Idaho and everyone I grew up with is conservatibe, white, and either academic or farmers.  When I fell for T, a dark Latin man who is a pianist and lives in acity, it shocked the hell out of my family.  It also shocked the hell out ofme.  But I had a feeling that this could be the one so I took a chance and moved my booty from north Idaho to southern CA, and here I am!

With my whole family being up there (apart from my brother who is stationed in NC) I have been adopted into T's family without question.  I am at every family event, I am basically one of the cousins, and I am in training to become Latina.  Haha!  Obviously you are either born with sabor or you aren't, but I'm trying my best to learn it.  I loved Latin culture even before I knew T.  I took 5 years of spanish in school, I took a Latin dance class, I tried to cook Central and South American food by myself... and then when I met T, that was it!  :)

So with his family now, I really feel like I'm becoming immersed.  My Spanish is slowly improving, my dancing is getting better, and cooking is also slowly improving.  Last night we were at one of his Tio's house for a birthday party.  Can you say Salvadorian food, galore??

I wish I had taken a picture of my plate before diving in.  Here are a few of the women making pupusas.  I love being accepted in and being taught the ways of Latin women.  It is fantastic training to be a Latin wife!  In the next couple years T and I look to get married and by then I want to be up-to-speed.  All in good time.  I guess I will just haaaaave to attend more parties filled with laughter, dancing, and cooking.  What a tough learning environment.  :)

Happy People

My brother is in the Marine Corps and is stationed out in North Carolina.  To put it mildly, he isn't thrilled with his situation.  He has no friends out there, he doesn't particularly like his MOS (his job), and he is just counting down the days until he can come home on leave and eventually get out.  He is sad out there and spends a lot of time posting on Facebook about how much he hates it, how lonely he is, and how frustrated he is.

My step-dad was a Marine for a little over 20 years.  While his particular job is confidential, I can say that what he did wasn't easy, wasn't fun, and there was a lot of time spent alone.  My step-dad rarely gets on FB but tonight he did and he saw my brother's post.  And the following is what he wrote.

 "Alone is a state of mind. A happy person draws people unto him. Try to be happy my young man and happiness will find you. I promise you this!"

This is exactly what I needed to read tonight.  I had to work overtime today and it was a 10 hour day in a warehouse.  I was surrounded by people who hate their jobs, who hate everyone around them, and who generally hate their positions in life.  It was SOOOO depressing!  Then I came home, turned on my computer to do homework, and Wa-La!  Day= 1000000 times better.

So my homies, be happy.  Be happy!  I don't love my job but I love that it puts a roof over my head and money in my pocket.  I love that I get to go to work and come home and live with my best friend!  Just because you hate your job it doesn't mean you have to hate your life.  Very few people love their job.  But if you look at it as a necessity and that it's a part of your life but it doesn't DEFINE your life, you will be ok!  Fill your life with joy and enrichment!

My Addiction

I am one of those "goody-two-shoes" kinds of girls.  I have never smoked a cigarette in my life, I am allergic to pot smoke so that is out of the question, I occasionally will have a few glasses of wine or a couple beers, but that is infrequent, and I maintain a pretty well balanced life.  If you were to ask me if I am addicted to anything, last week I would have told you "no way!"  Well, I have recently started my new diet.  And this isn't a fad-diet, it's about eating really cleanly. (excuse the fact it is on a napkin, I wrote it down for someone at a gathering last night and decided to take a picture of it.)

So this is what I am doing.  It is a slow process and it is taking a few days to adjust.  I am still trying to figure out how to get 136 g protein in my life on the daily.  Today I will go buy an excellent protein powder which was recommended to me by a fitness coach.  In the past few weeks doing just the cross fit twice a week, I have gone from 170 down to 165.  I don't see where the weight has been lost but I gladly accept the change in number!

Back to addiction, I am, for sure, addicted to sugar and carbs.  I am going through withdrawal and feel weird and I cannot wait for the withdrawal period to be over.  But despite my weird feelings, when I am not craving cookies or bread or french fries, I actually feel pretty energized and good!  I am excited to see how much this helps.  I will also be starting HIIT training in between my Cross Fit days at work and I cannot wait.  My life is changing and I am so motivated.  Last night I did slip up and ate the piece of toast that came with my chicken salad, but today I am back on track and will stick to the plan!  Ready to make waves, people!  I'm ready to make waves.  

No excuses!

NO EXCUSES.  No excuses.  When you want something you push hard for it.  No excuses.  Ever since I was a little girl my wise father has told me

"Pain is part of the mind and the mind can be controlled."  

Dad, thank you for these words.  People, be in control of your bodies and your mind.  You can do this- whatever "this" is.  Go, go, go!  No excuses!

Today, I have a migraine from my brain tumor, I have a stomach ache from being too exhausted (slept terribly), but I went to crossfit and I worked my tooooooshy off.  I hurt so badly I want to cry.  No excuses.  Some people want fame, some want fortune, I want good health.  And getting back to a healthy, strong body is what it will take.  So NO excuses.

Be amazing, push forward, and make your life the way you want it to be.  No excuses.

Grief and Overcoming It

Time.  When they say time heals all, it's true.  But I believe you have to want to let time heal.  You have to want healing and progress or else you will stay trapped in the bubble you have been living in.  In 2012 one of my closes childhood friends was involved in a wildfire accident.  Anne, age 20, was a break-dancing, horseback riding, only-girl-majoring-in Diesel Mechanics, beauty-pageant winning, Forrest-fire-fighting powerhouse.  She was inspirational to everyone around her.

Young at heart and of mind, she was a force to be reckoned with.  I remember that summer... She was really upset towards the end because she didn't want to stop fighting forest fires to return to school.  She was called out on one last fire the week before she was to return to school to finish up her degree in diesel mechanics.  She said she wished she could just fight fires forever... and then it happened.  A total fluke of an accident- no one saw it coming.  A huge gust of wind out of nowhere came and broke a large, dead branch off of a tree that was above her.  It fell on her and she passed away instantly.  It took us by surprise that God would call her home so soon and at such a young age.  It was baffling and confusing and frustrating.  She was one of my closest friends.  And then she was gone.

And it has taken me a couple years go get to the point I got to the other day.  I wrote the following on my personal social media page and thought I would share it here.  I will leave you with this.

grief is a very interesting concept. It can be short lived, life-long, or somewhere in between. There are many stages to the grieving process but the end one is the goal. The last stage is when the grief turns into appreciation and love. There will always be hard days, but eventually the good days outweigh the bad days. Eventually you may get to the point where when something reminds you of a departed loved one, the memory doesn't bring tears and pain, but instead a smile and a celebration of a life. Today was monumental when I realized I have moved into that final stage. Instead of wanting to turn on sad country songs and lay in bed, today I found myself wanting to share memories with people and reminisce about a wonderful life. To those of you grieving a death, a loss of a friendship, a family member, a pet, a lifestyle, a home- whatever grief you may be dealing with, you are in my prayers. I pray you may find healing so you may look back and smile and have a toast on behalf of the past.

Feeling Proud

I woke up this morning, every muscle hurts.  I am craving cheese and carbs and I don't want to do anything today.  But I am proud.  I work for a very wonderful company and while the work I do is entry level and there is no room for growth with the company without a degree, I really do love the company.  The beautiful company I work for?  LD Products Inc.  (Shameless plug: www.ldproducts.com for all your office supply needs including craaazy affordable ink and toner products for nearly every printer on the market.  Also, our customer service is top notch and we have a 2 year warranty on our products.)

One of the reasons I love LD is because they know how to take care of their customers as well as their employees.  Even though I am entry level, I still have loads of perks for working there.  Every year they throw a "Retreat" day and we go and bond as a company with different departments.  We play at the beach, have a catered lunch and dinner, get free shirts, water bottles, and such, and we get paid to do it!  We have a gym available to all employees and huge breakroom with 3 tvs, 2 refrigerators, 3 huge vending machines, a large freezer, 4 microwaves, so much storage, and plates, mugs, and coffee for use aaand we have a wonderful woman who washes all the dishes for us.  They throw big parties for both the winter holidays as well as Independence Day. Lastly, this last year they implemented a fitness program for employees.  For only $20/mo we have access to personal trainers on Tuesday and Thursday who run us through a crossfit class after work.

Let's rewind now.  I moved to California back in 2012 (I'll do a post on that later.)  Since moving down and being with my boyfriend and alllllll the amazing good food there is down here, I have put on 34 lbs.  34.  34!!!  That's a lot of weight.  I went from 132 to 166.  I hate the way my body looks but more importantly I hate the way my body feels.

On Thursdays I take a pill for my benign brain tumor (that story is also for later) and on pill days I ususally get migraines, I am cranky, lethargic, and generally want to hibernate until Friday or even Saturday.  One of my coworkers who is very fit mentioned he was going to the gym after work.  I said I didn't feel well so I may just go use an elliptical in our gym at work.  And he then told me

"J.  The elliptical isn't going to do shit and you know it.  

If you are serious about changing your life, go to the class tonight." 

 We both then got silent.  That was real talk right there.  It hit me hard.  It sucked to hear that.  He was so freaking right!  Ugh.  So I went.

I clocked out, put on some clothes, and went to the class; migraine and all.  And work out I did.  For a nearly 170 lb woman who hasn't worked out hard in almost two years, I did a 21-15-9 series of burpees and weighted squats.  21 burpees, 21 weighted squats, 15 burpees, 15 squats and so forth.  I was only using 10 lb dumb bells in each hand- the other man working out with me?  35 lb dumb bells.

I have what I like to call a "pizza addiction".  I crave it all hours of the day.  But after that workout, all I wanted was chicken, salad, and more water.  My body craved healthy food!  Friday I could barely move.  I made it through work and though I did slip up last night and make myself a small 8 in personal pizza (cheeseless though!), today I will get back on track.  Today, Saturday, my muscles still hurt.  But alas, I will be working out again today to get the acid moving in my body and to keep my strength building.  I am proud of what I put my body through.  I am proud I made it through that series!  That's a lot of burpees!!!  I am proud.  2015 is my year.  I am proud.  

"Traditional Values" in 2015

2015.  It's weird to think I will turn 24 this year.  It is weird to think Kim Kardashian wants another child and it's weird to think that more new species of animals will be discovered this year. It's weird marriage equality isn't a constitutional right yet.  It's weird to think about my childhood and think that thongs were something skanky and now if you want to wear yoga pants you practically have to wear one.  It's weird to think yoga pants are an acceptable pair of bottoms to places other than yoga.  2015.

I am traditional and I am a feminist.  Many don't understand how the two can coincide but I believe they do quite well if that is the person's true heart.  I believe women should be given equal opportunities in the workforce and they certainly should be paid the same.  Women should have equal access to birth control options and abortion if that is what their heart desires and neither location nor income should have a factor in accessibility.  Women should be recognized as valuable members in our Armed Services and women should be able to work and put her career first if that is what she desires.

But I am also traditional, and this is where I have problems as a 23 year old in 2015.  While I believe men and women are equal, I believe they (in broad, very general, always an exception kind of terms) are very different and are often better in certain areas than the other gender.  The two compliment each other beautifully.  They have complimented each other for thousands of years.  I believe the man going to work and providing financially and the woman running the household and not having to work is complementary and awesome.  Obviously this isn't the '50s anymore.  Obviously, the idea of a "Stay at home mom" is nearly a thing of the past.  But I believe in that structure and the success it brought.  When I am asked about if I am excited for my future, I always respond "yes, yes, yes!!!"  I cannot wait to be a wife and a mom.

I am a weird 23 year old.  I don't blend with my peers.  Most 23 year olds might be starting out on a somewhat serious relationship, might have ideas about what they may want in their future- but I am set.  My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and 6 months.  We know that we want each other for our future.  We know we want kids together and have even discussed very in depth about how we will parent.  I cannot wait to plan a wedding (hopefully a ring in the next couple years!!) and plan a home and plan a family.  Some individuals love to smoke pot, I love to bake muffins.  Some individuals love to go to raves, I love to quilt.  Some love to tag and do graffitti, I love to glass etch.  I'm a natural homemaker.  Cleaning, cooking, sewing, crafting- If I could live my life and make a career of being a wife and mom- that would be the dream.

Above is an example of a fun Sunday afternoon activity.  Some watch football and drink beer, I make homemade vanilla extract.
Step 1:  Get Vodka (cheap is fine- you just need alcohol), 6-8 vanilla beans, and a small glass bottle.

Step 2: Cut the beans down the center to expose oils- you can cut in half to make them fit in bottle better.

Step 3: Completely submerge the beans in Vodka and shake.

Step 4: Store in cool, dark area for 8 weeks, shaking bottle once to twice a week

Step 5: Enjoy the best vanilla you will evvvver bake with.  Ever.  Seriously.

Learning how to do things like this make me excited.  Don't get me wrong, driving on up to Vegas sounds like a blast too... but Vanilla?  Seriously?!  Awesome!!

My boyfriend loves every fiber of me and accepts that I make a great girlfriend and I will make a fantastic wife- but my craftiness, my nerdiness, and my weird hobbies make it hard for me to relate to women my age.  For a young woman with traditional values and appreciations, 2015 and the future will be a challenge.  

A rant on love

warning: the following is a rant about weddings and love.

I am watching Bridezillas on Netflix while drinking wine and making homemade peppermint exfoliating scrub. While this show amuses me it makes me so incredibly sad. Yes, I am a girl and thus I have spent countless hours thinking about how someday I will get married and I will have the perfect wedding. But I realize my expectation of perfect is very different than a lot of these women. To me, a wedding isn't about the lace, the pearls, the rhinestones, the perfect dress, the perfect cake, the perfect venue and the white linens. Those are all great and can help create a wonderful atmosphere- but to me, the perfect wedding is friends, family, God, a dress that I can dance in, shoes that don't make my feet hurt, my groom to be smiling ear to ear, good-loud speakers, and some yummy food (street tacos are fine by me!).

Long story short: the key to a perfect wedding:

1) Have your groom/bride show up and excited about this next step

2) have friends and family there and excited about your future spouse

3) have some speakers to crank up the music

4) wear comfy shoes or prepare to take them off

5) have some kind of yumminess to snack on- you'll be hungry after all that chaos getting things planned

5) Remember that a wedding is about friends, family, and God witnessing your public proclamation to move forward through the rest of your lives as a team.

Y'all, stop stressing! God will be there, family will be there, and YAY LOVE! YAY UNIONS! YAY MARRIAGE! YAY!

p.s. if a little girl falls next to you and gets cake on your dress, don't make her feel bad about it. She will definitely get hell when she gets home- don't make things worse for her. You sit down on the floor with that little girl and take frosting and draw pictures on your dress. Embrace love!

Infinite Change- How Bad Do You Want It?

I have been told for quite some time by numerous people I should start a blog. And though I am not entirely sure what this will evolve into, I decided a new year is as good of time as any to start one.  A little about me, I live in Southern California, I am a 23 year old female, I am in an interracial relationship with the love of my life, I love coffee and quilting, I am a student and an employee, I love sugary smelling lotions, and sleeping in on clean sheets is one of the best feelings in the whole entire world.  I have a feeling this blog will be filled with random tidbits I discover about life that many others have discovered before me and many more will discover after me, but I hope to share my little discoveries with all of you in that I may inspire you or at least get you thinking.

Last November I had an interaction with a coworker and it got me very fired up.  So much so that I wrote a rant in my journal about it.  So for my first post of this brand new blog, the topic shall be

How Bad Do You Want It?

Today I was approached at work and asked how it was working full time while going to school. I said it is hard, exhausting, but fully fulfilling. The person then said he wished he could go to college but then listed a bunch of excuses why he couldn't and how he just feels stuck. He asked how do I make it happen? I told the same thing to him as I tell everyone who ever wants to do anything but sees obstacles in the way. It all comes down to this:
How Bad Do You Want It?
If you want it badly enough, you find a way to make it happen. I went to school full time while working full time for the Forest Service while being treated for a tumor. And then I proceeded to drop everything I had and move over 1,100 miles to chase something new that I wanted. Did I have excuses to not move? Hell yeah! Great ones. (brain tumor, nearly free tuition, free room and board, amazing government job). But How bad do you want it?! Make your life happen. Stop making excuses. Stop putting things off because it's hard or scary. You have one life. ONE! In 5 years will you hate every fiber of your being because you didn't take a huuuge risk and try something new? Chase something you wanted? If you fail, at least you tried. You learned and you can tell your loved ones "I gave it my all." Do you want to move across country? Do you want to switch careers or go back to school? Do you want to ask that cute guy out? Do you want to lose those 35 lbs? Do you want to pay off all your debt? Do you want to do something that leaves an impact? How bad do you want it? Go!

And with that, I ask you to go forth and enjoy your week and decide something you really want and chase it.  Maybe you just want to be sure you have done yoga twice before the weekend.  Or maybe you want to propose!  I don't know what your brain and heart desire, but make a decision (no matter how big or little) and take action!

~j.